the test

My baby girl, my youngest child, my last child has been spoiled.

She nursed until close to her second birthday.

I never had the heart to let her cry at night.

I choose not to fight battles with her that I would have fought with her older sister.

When I get involved in sibling disputes, it is almost always take her side.

"Share with your little sister."

"Don't trick your little sister."

All her life, I have coddled her, kissed her and held her close. I have savored every moment of the babyhood of my last baby.

But with two months to go until her third birthday, my baby girl is certainly no longer a baby. She is a feisty toddler. A toddler that is testing. A crayon drawing on the wall. A toy thrown across the room. A slap with her tiny hand followed by a mischievous glance up at me to see what I am going to do. She knows. She knows exactly what she is doing and she knows it is bad.

What else can I do? The time has come to really and truly start disciplining Claire. The sweet, beautiful girl that I may spoil, but don't want to be spoiled.

Sorry, baby.

when did I become that mom?

Abby was invited to a birthday party at 2:30 on Sunday. I brought her to the party place at 2:30 on Saturday.

The bag with the class book? The one with the note that reads "Please make sure your child returns this book on the next day of class as another child is anxiously awaiting his or her turn"? Forgot all about it this morning. Had to run over to school with it like that crazy mom.

And being late for school? Abby no longer asks if we are late. She asks how late we are. Just a little late or really late? Are all the kids there yet, or just some of them? One time, she was the first one at ballet class and she looked uncertainly at the teacher and said "Sorry I'm late?". She does not even understand what early is.

I have one preschooler and one toddler, who does not participate in any activities.

I don't have a job.

What is the matter with me?

I used to be organized. I used to manage projects. Meet deadlines. Get to work on time. Take showers and wear nice clothes, even.

What happened to that person?

However, I did manage to get one thing right this morning and that was Claire's preschool enrollment. Even the late and disorganized don't take any chances in the competitive world of preschool enrollment.

And the fact that my two year old, my baby, my last baby, is now enrolled in a preschool class next fall? How did that happen and how do I make it stop?

little runaway

"Claire, come eat dinner."

"NO. I am running away."

"Where are you going?"

In her most confident big girl voice, she announced "Friendly's."

Sadly, this plan failed when she was not able to get her boots on. Not being able to open the front door was also shaping up to be a big obstacle.

No question about it, my baby is a two year old.

not a child

This afternoon, I told Claire it was time to go inside. She pushed me away and announced "Mom, I'm not a CHILD!"

She is two. She said these words with the inflection and outrage of a teenager.

"Oh, what are you then?" I asked her.

"A baby," she said proudly.

Argued like a two year old. A very bitter two year old who still had to go inside.

spoiled

This week the girls and I have gone to several stores to buy gear for their upcoming activities and their behavior has been terrible. Embarrassing. Embarrassingly terrible.

In Target, after selecting their dance and gymnastics outfits, both girls screamed and whined about how they had to have everything we passed that they even remotely recognized- I want that toothbrush! Those SpongeBob pajamas! Those Orange pants! Major tantrums took place over a princess doll and a pig costume for a dog (we do not even have a dog).

In a shoe store, as I struggled to find the correct size and color ballet shoes, my children ran off, whined, cried and took shoes off shelves. A major, all out tantrum took place over my refusal to buy a pair of Dora jelly sandals. And the store did not even have the shoes we did need.

I won't even get into the next day's trip to the sporting goods store for soccer gear.

My children behaved like spoiled, selfish brats. They did nothing but beg for more, more, more as we shopped for items for them, for the activities that they chose. We do not have much extra money around here. My husband and I do less so they can do more. They are lucky to even be able to participate in these activities.

Where did I go so wrong?

It would seem that I have not only failed to instill basic values, but I have also failed to instill any sense of how to behave in public, any sense of respect for my words.

In response, I have yelled, taken away treats and even threatened to leave a two year old child by the side of the road to wait for Daddy.

Not exactly my proudest moments as a mother.

Can't we just go back to Summer?

a note to claire

My Dearest Claire,

This new routine? The one where you scream out for Mama every two hours or so all night long? And when I go check on you, and you are all huh? wha?? Oh hey, what are you doing here Mama?? Nice to see you and all but I was trying to sleep here.

Seriously?

This has got to stop. Once you start sleeping through the night there is no going back. This is clearly stated in the rule book you received when you arrived here.

You cooperation is much appreciated.

All my love,
Mama