This morning I brought my preschooler to school in pajamas. Unfortunately, pajama day is next Friday.
Normally, I would just laugh off this sort of thing, but last month I brought her to a birthday party on the wrong day. And I got school picture day wrong too. Honestly, I could keep on linking because my archives, it would seem, are filled with documentation of my screw ups. But while one off screw ups are funny, having a scatter brained idiot for a mother is not.
Back in the corporate world, we had a review system. Peer review, upward feedback, self evaluations and quarterly reviews by your manager. In the business consulting world feedback is important. You always know exactly where you stand and it translates nicely into bonus dollars.
In my three years in the mommy world, I have not gotten a single review or a single bonus. There are no clearly defined goals and no job description that outlines what I am supposed to be doing.
So how am I doing? Am I a good mother? A decent mother? Or am I completely screwing this up?
On the positive side, I bake lots of cookies. My kids play outside every day. Every day. Even when it rains. My house is often filled with kids laughing and playing. We frequently take trips to the park, beach, playground, Children's Museum and zoo. We attend parades. I read to my children often. We eat home cooked diners as a family. We have a bedtime routine. I am always on time for school pick up. I take my five year old to gymnastic and soccer lessons. I kiss my girls often and make sure they know that I love them. I make sure we take time to enjoy the little things together.
On the other hand, I don't organize craft projects. My children watch too much Nickelodeon. I welcome playdates because sometimes I just don't feel like playing with my kids. My almost three year old is not even close to being potty trained. My children rarely pick up their toys or clean their rooms (unlike her kids). My children often have dirty faces. I am often late for school drop off. My almost three year old is not involved in any activities. My five year old is still overweight. I don't have as much patience as I would like. And clearly, I need to make better use of my calendar.
Am I a good mother?
How the hell do I know? I clearly could be a better mother.
I do know that my daughter was thrilled that she got to be the only one in pajamas at school today. And that she is even more thrilled that she gets to wear her pajamas to school again next week.
She is happily watching Nickelodeon as the baby naps and I write this. Maybe when I am done, I will break out the craft supplies. That should get me one step closer to that big mommy bonus, right?
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first thank you, thank you for saying this "I welcome playdates because sometimes I just don't feel like playing with my kids." i feel sooo guilty for feeling that way - u just made me feel normal!!
ReplyDeleteand second yes, you are a great mama. your girls are beyond blessed :)
but you are right some sort of system would be nice. especially one that came with end of the season bonuses. you know like for surviving winter!
I love this!! ANd I don't like to play to much either!! Not my thing - but I will do crafts over playing!!
ReplyDeleteYou know what Beth? I think you are an awesome mother. Your kids are always smiling and happy in every picture I see of them and your first concern in every post I read is for their happiness and well being. None of us are perfect. I am FAR from it. But even though you messed up PJ Day at school, your daughter was thrilled - isn't that the true test of your mommy-greatness? :)
ReplyDeleteSounds to me like you are doing a fabulous job. Who cares about the funny little goofs once in a while. No biggie.
ReplyDeleteWe are all trying our best. We could all do better, and all ya can do is work on it. :)
EVERY mother screws up days and times for stuff. If they say they don't, they're just lying. We all feel so much pressure to have it done correctly, and perfectly, when in reality that just isn't possible.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I often fall into the trap of wondering "am I doing a good job?" or "am I a good mother" or "would my kids be better off if I went back to work?" . . . but sometimes the answers aren't clear or obvious, you have to feel it. I think down deep in our hearts we know we're doing a great job and we ARE good mothers, but it's so difficult to do a job 24x7 that offers no tangible measurement of our work. We are a society based on feedback, rewards, benefits. I don't think we'll see anything like that until our kids are older and we can sit back, smiling, and say "ah, see, we raised them well".
p.s. I think you're a great mother too - it's hard not to see that in your writing and your photos.
great post. I think we can all totally relate. I am soooo forgetful, and tired to saying, "oh my....we are going to be late." I hate that my 4 year old even knows what it means to be late. NOt the lesson I want to be teaching.
ReplyDeleteI think you're a fantastic mom. Every time I see your pictures or hear descriptions of your days (and your meals!) I think, "Her kids are so lucky." Honest.
ReplyDeleteHa. Don't read the parenting blogs at newspapers online. They fail to mention what goes on behind the scenes. I always wonder if I am a good mother or not and how bad I am screwing up when I scream, argue, and cry some days.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel any better, my Abby still hasn't let me forget that I missed the Thanksgiving feast at her preschool. All the other parents were there except for me. I honestly had no idea parents were invited. I didn't read the newsletter all the way through. Yep! That's me, mother of the year!
ReplyDeleteBut I think we definitely get extra points for homemade cookies, reading to our kiddos, trips to the beach, etc...and just the fact that they know we love 'em to pieces.
Nobody's perfect...not even the "three little kittens" lady. :)
There are no performance reviews, but every day brings opportunities to improve. There are no financial bonuses, the the hugs and kisses and amazing things my kids say and do sometimes make it all worthwhile.
ReplyDeleteI'm not perfect. Nobody is.
But I believe confidence, acceptance of my weaknesses, and a willingness to keep trying to do better, make me a pretty damn good mom.
When I screw up, I apologize and move on. No point in dwelling on it.
Thinking back on my childhood, I don't remember the crafts or day-to-day activities, what I remember is the overwhelming feeling of being safe and loved. You do that for your kids, no doubt.
ReplyDeleteLoved this post!
Paragraph #6 is all I need to read to know that you are a good Mommy. All that other stuff is just details...
ReplyDeleteP.S. Love your new header!