to abby, age 4 years, 7 months and 26 days

To Abby,

It would seem that in the past few months you reached a number of milestones that I never saw coming.

You use the bathroom completely on your own. You eat without making any more of a mess than an average adult. You are capable of crossing the street on your own. You can be out in the backyard on your own. I no longer even consider bringing a stroller for you no matter how far we will be walking. At 50 pounds, carrying you is no longer an option either. You know how to spell your name. Your coloring increasingly reflects reality rather than your own unique vision. You know your letters and are interested in the spelling of words. You are learning to tell time. You can reach the sink without a stool. You go into the dentist on your own.

Everyday, you are more of a kid and less of a toddler/preschooler.



For about a year you lingered in limbo between toddler and kid size clothes. Then suddenly you started eating. Eating like I did not know a kid could eat. And now you are a big kid. A kid that wears size 11 shoes and size 6/7 clothes. It happened gradually, but also suddenly.

I am not sure you realize that you are big yet. I think it surprises you too sometimes. You still want to crawl into our laps and be cuddled and carried to bed like a baby. To watch you do this is hilarious because you are so long and heavy and big. Sometimes it seems like your body is ahead of you, making people think you are bigger than you really are.

But at the same time, you thrive in the big kid world. You got your first taste of camp this summer and you loved it. "What other camps can I do?" you asked eagerly after your last day. At the beginning of each day you ask what we are doing and beg me to start calling your friends if our day is not already packed with activities.



Most days I agree because if left to hang around the house too long, you pick fights with your sister over long forgotten toys and repeatedly throw yourself on the floor in frustration over the everyday details of life. But give you a friend or an activity and you are happy, energetic and even fairly well mannered.



Being "the leader" is also important to you these days. I do not remember exactly how it started, but you love the idea of being the leader. You want to be the leader down the stairs. Or out the door. You want the first turn and the first sandwich. Everything is a competition and second place is not an option.

It is a delicate balance, meeting your needs at this age. You are mostly kid but still a little bit baby. You mostly want to run free and play, but sometimes you still crave a cuddle. By day you play like a big kid, but at night you still like to cuddle up with your giraffe and suck your thumb.



As your mother, I am trying my best to keep up. I am trying my best to give you both the freedom and attention you crave.

Please bear with me when I get it mixed up and I will try to do he same with you.

All my love,
Mama