It all started with back to school clothes. Abby grew two sizes over the spring and summer months, meaning every single piece of fall and winter clothing in her room is now ridiculously small on her.
So I packed up her old clothes to store in Claire's closet. This meant I needed to make room in Claire's closet. The most logical way to do this? Pass along her 12 and 18 month clothes to the dear friend with a baby girl exactly two years younger than Claire.
I pulled out the sweet little coat she wore last year. The pants she wore as she learned to walk. I couldn't do it. The clothes remain piled in my bedroom.
And just like that, after six months of certainty that our little family was complete, the debate began again. Should we try for just one more baby?
I love being pregnant. Love nursing. Love the sweet smell of new baby.
I have no words to describe what an incredible blessing a new baby is. The wonder and the magic of a new life, a new member of the family to know and love. And there is the possibility of a son, completely foreign in this house of girl. Next year both girls will be in school, so maybe the timing is good?
I am not getting any younger. Years from now, I don't want to look back with regret.
But then there are all the practical concerns. Our house, our cars, our kitchen table all fit a family of four perfectly. We are past the days of being house bound, of traveling with loads of baby gear. The world is opening up to us again. Things are really getting fun. A new baby would send us right back to square one.
And then there are the more spiritual concerns. We have already been blessed with two healthy girls. Would it be greedy to ask for more?
Then there is concern for our girls. They are close in age and their personalities compliment each other well. I believe they are really, truly friends. How would a third child fit into the mix? With an odd number would one always be left out? Or picked on? Not to mention that fact that Claire is very happy in her role as "the baby".
And finally, there is the matter of my limited patience and the fact that I have already had two c-sections.
As the days go by, the baby lust is fading. We are settling into our back to school schedule. Life is moving on.
But how many more times will I have to make this decision? When will I know for sure?
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Those are the same questions that often run through my mind. I don't think you ever will know for sure...unless you actually do something to permanently prevent it. I think every mother continues to go through cycles of wanting more until they're beyond childbearing years. Just part of maternal instinct, I guess.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea how you decide.
ReplyDeleteI always only wanted two. Therefore the decision for me was complete with two. But, I have no idea how you would ever decide if you didn't have a preset number that you wanted.
Hoping the decision comes easy for you! :)
These same questions run through my head on a daily basis. But my husband is pretty happy the way things are and doesn't really want to add to the family and I respect that. I also have to ask myself if I just want another baby or a child b/c they are kids A LOT longer than they are babies!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your decision...
I think we all ask ourselves those questions...my sister just brought her brand new baby to our house last night and even though I think three is our limit, that sweet baby made me pause. A little.
ReplyDeleteI have been going through the same thing myself as my youngest is going to be 2 in just a few weeks. I come from a family of 2 parents plus 4 kids so I always thought I'd have a large family too. My dh comes from a small family with just a sister. I just don't know.
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel about finally getting out of the baby phase...but if you really think about it, the baby years are so fast, and so fleeting. It may seem hard at the time, but looking back, you realize it really is just a flash in the pan of life. Anyway, I have heard MANY people who have had 2 kids and look back and really wish they had 3. You will definitely find room for another (think back on years ago when they had so many more kids, and had such tiny homes! We are so spoiled now!). A new kid will fit in perfectly. Your daughters will be thrilled and will love him/her to death.
ReplyDeleteI seriously question having a fourth, but at 41, almost 42, I really think I am getting too old. I am already one of the oldest moms of a 1st grader!! Although I have a neighbor who has 5 kids, the oldest in college, the youngest in first grade. She is about 46 and is one of the happiest ladies around.
I think, if you really are getting the bug, then maybe you need to seriously think about it. Not to push you or anything! LOL!!! I guess I am just a big proponent for big families. They usually seem like such happy places to be!
We have four and after three we were still wishy washy and always going back and forth... and now we have our 4th baby... she's almost two now and I KNOW for sure that we are done and I have peace of mind and I never get the baby bug like I did after all the others... on the other hand you raise many valid concerns... It will sort itself out!! Good luck:)!
ReplyDeleteI go through the same feeling every day! Best of luck in your decisions.
ReplyDeleteI'm pregnant with #2 and we've always said we want 3....but that we need to wait until #2 arrives.
ReplyDeleteI have no words of wisdom, but if you come up with some, do make sure you share!
Well, we are in a very similar situation, and I swear, it also started when I sent to take clothes to a consignment shop and I was not ready to part with all of those adorable little onsies.
ReplyDeleteThere are days that I can't wait for #3, and there are days that I am content with my 2. Like you said, the 4 of us fit perfectly in our car, our table, our bedrooms, etc. BUT - I think that in the end, I really want one more, knowing that it will be the final baby for me, no regrets and the wonder about "what if we had...?"
So, I am fairly certain we will eventually be a family of 5. And that is exciting to me. :) Good luck!
DO IT ONE MORE TIME!!
ReplyDeletehave 3.
then- remind yourself that they will one day grow into THREE teenagers;-)
wish i had the answer. i guess i have always just thought my mommy gut would tell me when our family was complete?
ReplyDeletegood luck friend :)
I desperately want one (or two) more. In fact, while still in the hospital after my c-section in May I instantly knew I wanted more. However, my husband is happy with our two girls. I guess time will tell. Do share if you have more insight.
ReplyDeleteI think you have to go with your heart. Don't worry about the logistics of cars, tables, sibling relationships, etc. All of those things will fall into place if God blesses you with another child. I was one of three sisters and we have always been close.
ReplyDeleteI think that I often get wrapped up in the thining that 'I've already been so blessed, how could I hope for more' - but that's not what God wants us to believe, at all.
ReplyDeleteGive it time, you will know what is right.
Just keep coming to look at my baby pictures, and you'll be pregnant in no time :-)
ReplyDeleteAll kidding aside, there is really no way of knowing what the real answer is . . . I found for us I just didn't feel "done", as cliche as that sounds. We were talking about having a third and suddenly became pregnant, so I took it as a sign of some kind. But I share all your concerns - is my table big enough, can I put them all through college, is there enough of me to go around, am I a good enough mom to all three, every day???
I'm so exhausted and burned out some days, yet the one true thing I know is I could never imagine my life any different than it is right now :-)
We tried hard for baby number 3 but it didn't happen. Now I'm trying to adjust my heart and my mind to the fact that two is it for us.
ReplyDeleteI say, go for it!
I didn't feel done either. There was always the sense of someone missing. Practical concerns usually give way to the joy of a new life. Two is wonderful, 3 is wonderful also. 4 was the magic number for us. Of course your husband has a say also.
ReplyDeleteI am always debating in my mind about two or three. I used to be for sure on three but now I am not so sure. As you can see from all your comments, lots of us totally get you.
ReplyDeleteThis blog (give or take some minor details such as kids ages) could have been written by me! But I have come to the conclusion that 3 is our number and we do indeed need to eventually add another child to the mix (maybe it'll be a boy!). Good luck coming up with your answer...
ReplyDeleteHappy POW.
for me it hits when you see another new tiny little baby... good look... i'm fading fast... number two anyone?
ReplyDeleteI still have all the baby clothes too, the crib, the activity gym, the bouncy seat...all up in my attic. I just can't part with them yet.
ReplyDeleteI cannot part with baby clothes or toys either, because I know one day I will be ready for baby #2. I am excited about that, but at the same time worry about the change that it would cause with my sweet little family. This post is exactly how I feel sometimes with the logistics of adding one more member to the family. Nicely put.
ReplyDeleteHappy POW!
You said it so well. I've had the same feelings and debates about baby four. And I am stuck with an attic full of baby boy and girl clothes and toys b/c "what if"?
ReplyDeleteI can sort of relate. I'm really wanting to try for another. I had the exact same feelings about it when my first child was nearly a year and now that my 2nd is about 1, it's starting up all over again! I dunnow what to do. We want a 3rd but I didn't think this soon. Plus, I have this overwhelming fear that we should just be happy with our two healthy boys and not risk asking for two much in wanting a 3rd.
ReplyDeleteAh, baby lust. It's a terrible, terrible thing isn't it? I say go for 1 more...but only if you really want to.
ReplyDeleteWe had always only wanted two. I am like you--I love being pregnant, I love nursing, and I love holding and cuddling babies. After our second was born, I was really starting to want another one. Luckily (and miraculously) my husband had been thinking the same thing. Our first two are 4 1/2 years apart, we started trying for #3 when the 2nd one was 16 months--it took 3 years and us giving up hope before we finally got pregnant with #3. At times we wondered if we were doing the right thing (there are now 5 years between the 2nd two and 9 1/2 years between the 1st and 3rd). But everytime that we wonder, the little one does something that truly makes us feel that NOW our family is complete and she was meant to be part of it. Yes, I still get huge pangs for a new baby (and if I were 10 years younger would consider trying to talk hubby into #4), but now I guess I'll just have to wait for grandkids!
ReplyDelete