a wing and a prayer

"Please, God, grant me patience"

"Please, God, help me be the mother I want to be"

These prayers are the prayers that run through my head when the kids are screeching at each other yet again, complaining, demanding, sneezing all over me, yet again. Not listening, yet again. When their issues, their desires, their needs take priority over mine, yet again. When it is raining yet again. When are stuck inside yet again because someone is sick yet again.

Before kids, I considered myself a fairly patient person. Sometimes impatient with myself, impatient with certain tasks, but with friends, in work situations, on the bigger issues, I was very level headed, very patient.

As a mother I have learned to be much more patient than I was then, yet I now find myself, a somewhat questionable Catholic, praying, begging, for more patience. For the strength to be a better mother. For the strength to endure another game, another puzzle, another mess, another lesson to be taught when my head feels like it is going to explode. For more energy and more enthusiasm for days that I know are so very important but also so very hard to get trough.

The girls are getting older. It is getting easier. But still, there are days like this. There is unimaginable joy, there is beauty in the simplest everyday moments, there is wonder in the very existence of these beautiful children, but there is also this. Just as random and unpredictable as the moments of blinding joy, come these moments of sheer frustration with it all.

This motherhood is no easy job.

On a positive note, because I really do want to work on being more positive, yesterday for just a couple of hours the sun came out, we all felt well and we made it outside to enjoy the spring flowers.

On Monday, without complaint my husband single handedly destroyed the massive ant nest that we girls discovered in the outdoor toy box. Who knew ants could eat through a plastic pool?

And finally, in the midst of all this sick I discovered a great new tea. I am a big tea drinker, but I am not a fan of herbal teas, chamomile teas or bedtime teas. Therefor, I would never have even tried this Bedtime Story Herbal Tea if it had not come as a free sample with my regular Lipton and I had not been in desperate need of some soothing at bedtime. The spearmint gives it just enough kick, enough flavor to taste like tea and not dishwater. And oh so soothing.

Just what this mom needed.