Dear International Parenting Review Board,
I am writing to clarify the good mother guidelines. My girls are 4 and almost 2 years old. I do not work. I am home with them all day. Our days revolve around them and their needs.
My question: Am I entitled to any me time in this day? Without guilt? Is it reasonable to expect them to play together while I do something I enjoy- like blog, or read, or read blogs? I can justify the need for me to do things that benefit us all, like cooking diner. But I feel guilty doing anything I enjoy that does not involve them.
If they want to watch a movie and I want to be on my computer, is this okay? Or should I force them to play with me because it seems like what a good mom should do, even if it is not really what any of us want to do?
Let me clarify. I like spending time with my kids. I believe that I do my fair share of activities with them. I color and play dolls with them. Just yesterday I built a block tower. We regularly go to the library, local farm, YMCA pool and playground. I schedule play dates and visits with grandma. Abby goes to preschool and dance class.
Yet somehow this still leaves a fair number of hours to fill in the week. Given that most of our activities revolve around the girls, should all of our free time also revolve around them? Or am I entitled to some of this time, guilt free? Especially if it makes me a happier mommy?
I assure you I have heard the warnings from older parents about the time for yourself that you crave being all too plentiful when you are waiting for your grown children to visit. True enough I am sure, but do I really need to wait that long? I am not sure I would know who I am after so long.
Also, this is a small point, but if we are all sitting down at dinner am I obligated to get up mid bite to supply more food or a new fork or whatever my child demands? Is making them wait acceptable? If so, how long?
Perhaps after fulfilling a certain number of requests in a day I can consider my job done? Or if we do something extra fun in the morning, I can take the afternoon off?
Thank you in advance for clarifying these guidelines. I trust that your rules are fair and have taken into account the needs of all parties.
Sincerely,
Trying to be a Good Mom
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great post. did you mine for Thursday....it touches on this very thing.
ReplyDeletehugs to you! Being a mother is so hard.
"Me" time is absolutely necessary, as I recently learned. It only took having my third child for me to realize it (in spite of my friends, who have older kids, telling me this for years). It's hard not to feel guilty, but I figure that old saying is true -- a happy mommy means a happy kid.
ReplyDeleteI like to remind myself how Extremely Developmentally Necessary it is for children to have unsupervised, unstructured free time in which to develop their creativity. That, at least, is what I tell myself whenever I take time to blog.
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