mean, mean mommy takes the kids swimming

I am a mean mother. The meanest. Perhaps you saw me at the Y today drowning my child in the pool, dragging her across the parking lot with no shoes and then hitting her in the head with the car door? Or perhaps you were across town and just heard the screaming?

Let me explain my side of the story. Last week I made the mistake of buying Abby a pair of swimming goggles. Of course she wanted to go to the pool immediately to see if she could swim like a mermaid with them on. After lots of begging (her) and lies about the pool being closed (me), we finally made it to the YMCA pool this afternoon for family swim time. As luck would have it, today was a half day at the elementary school so the pool was full of school kids supervised by a bored looking teenage boy sitting by the pool.

Great. So we head into the muggy vat of chlorine filled with kicking, splashing kids. Abby is wearing her goggles and bubble with a water noodle just in case. Claire is clinging to me like a tree monkey. Did I mention Claire is not a big fan of the pool? The goggles do not work out as planned. They do not stay in the exact place Abby would like in relation to her hair and ears. They do nothing to keep water out of her nose. They do not transform her into a Mermaid. The frustrations mount.

Finally, after about two hours, the half hour of family swim time comes to an end. We agree to get out of the pool and I head towards the ladder with Claire. Somehow, in the tangle of splashing kids Abby gets behind us. I do not see this as a big deal because she is virtually unsinkable with her bubble and water noodle. She regularly paddles around the pool and walks out of the pool on her own to get things. However, for whatever reason this time she decides to stop in the middle of the pool and start screaming "Mommy!!!!! I can't swim!!!!! I can't swim!!!!!". She actually has a full blown tantrum in the middle of the pool.

The lifeguards do not seem particularly concerned, but the other moms and kids look at me in horror when instead of jumping back in to save her, I calmly tell her to get out of the pool please and start to walk away. The screaming continues as a couple of helpful kids try to show her what swimming strokes look like. Eventually she makes her way out of the pool.

A series of other problems follow: she does not want to carry her goggles (I am already carrying a toddler and three towels, so I suggest a nearby trash can), she does not want to take off her bathing suit, she is cold, her underwear is too wet, her sweatshirt is too small, she does not want to wear her hat, and finally the worst of all, she can not walk in her flip flops because they hurt her feet. They hurt her feet so badly that her toes might just fall off.

I do not have any other shoes and I am already carrying a toddler plus an enormous bag of wet stuff. At this point I have clearly had it with the whole experience and want to flee as quickly as possible. I tell her she has to wear the shoes and head for the door. She follows behind screaming about how much the flip flops hurt. My feeeet!!!! I can't walk!!!! Mommmmyyy!!!! Help me, Pleeaase!!!!! My feeeet!!!! Halfway through the parking lot, one of her flip flops comes off, resulting in more screams. I grab the shoes and lead her (now barefoot) to the car. We get to the car. The screaming is worse because now her feet are cold, wet and scratchy. How could I take away her shoes??? Claire is trying to wiggle away to cruise the parking lot as I search the bottom of my enormous bag for the car keys. Abby starts screaming at me to open the door and let her in. I finally find the keys, open the door and slam it right into her head. More screams, this time "Mommmmmyyyy, you are sooo MEAN!!!!" I swear it was an accident, but after the ridiculousness of the whole afternoon I just had to laugh.

Yup, should of stayed home and let them watch a movie.