there is no vacation from this job

I look forward to weekends and vacations, but the crushing reality is that these times with two young children are no different than every other day as a stay at home mother.

The kids wake up early. They are in constant motion. Even when they play with each other, there is a steam of demands, questions and requests the must be dealt with. Where is my seahorse toy? Can you read this? Can you put this in my hair? Can you put on this dress, mommy, please, please, please? Mom, Claire did ___! I poopy Mommy! I hungry! I thirsty! Look at me Mommy, look at me! I WAAANNT ARIIEEELL! WAHHHAAA!! Can I fly on a rocket to space, mommy, please, please, please?

The need isn't the same as when they were little babies. It is easier but it is also harder. It is constant. It is loud. It is often mind numbingly boring.

Recently as I applied eyeliner to my second eye, Abby sternly informed Claire that there was a line and she was first so Claire would have to wait. A line formed as I attempted to apply eyeliner to not one but two eyes.

I can not have a full conversation without being interrupted, without having one ear on what they are doing. I cannot finish a cup of tea without being interrupted. I cannot think something without being interrupted. Even my thoughts are not my own. I cannot get lost in thought because after an average of two minutes someone will loudly be demanding something.

Anything I might want to do- read, write, spend time with my husband, watch TV that is not PBS- gets crammed into the few short hours at night when I am tired and should be sleeping. I stay up too late. My head aches. But what am I supposed to do- go five years without writing or reading or thinking?

Yesterday we packed up and headed for a week of family vacation on the Cape. After a day of packing and driving and then a small incident with the house keys, we finally arrived at 10:30 last night. We tucked the girls into their waiting beds and went about the business of unpacking and organizing.

This morning I was awoken by the girls at 6:30. I will watch them yell and play and argue for a few of hours. My husband will try to sleep though the racket. Tomorrow it will be my turn.

Next I will go food shopping, because even on vacation kids need their regular meals and snacks. A diet of beer and chips just doesn't cut it anymore. Then I will fill out the paper work and go get a beach sticker. I will prepare food and clean up food and try to fit in a shower and pray for naps, just like every other day.

It will get better. I am sure I will be back in a few days with wonderful stories and pictures, because really we are so lucky two be here, the four of us together and healthy. We are in a house with million dollar views of the ocean and a room just for my kids. It is stocked with organic foods, wine, chocolate and my kid's favorite snacks. It has high speed Internet, cable TV with DVR and baskets of toys for my kids. What more do I want? What is wrong with me?

I am lucky. So lucky in so many ways. I know this.

I know these are the days I will want to remember. And soon the caffeine will work it's magic and I will catch a glimpse of my daughters doing something sweet and it will warm my heart.

But this morning, this very first morning of our vacation I am sitting here snapping at my already very overtired kids as they fight over who knows what, my head is aching and my eyes are filled with tears of bitter disappointment. There is no vacation from this job. Sometimes that just sucks, especially at 6:30 in the morning.